she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
