cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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