today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
