i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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