sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
