Nicole vs. Life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
