My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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