i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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