The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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