Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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