you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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