Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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