I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
