he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
