he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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