just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize