Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
