You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
