we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
