the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
