I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
