Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
