Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
