i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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