WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i will never coherently bang her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
