Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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