YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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