do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
