drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
