I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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