I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
