I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
