I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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