I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
