Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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