you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
