Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
