Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
