So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
