so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
