He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
