i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize