My sheets look like a crime scene.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
