Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
