I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
