Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
