She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
