also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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