she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
