And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
ok first of all what the fuck
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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