he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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