If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
