it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
