halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
