i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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