that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
