my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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