oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
