i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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