Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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