I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
