Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
