All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
