i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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