if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
