Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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