he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
