Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
