Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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