dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize