your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
