I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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