His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
