Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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