at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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