Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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