Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
